


the diary of a soldier

by danhowellsjeans, gaymerfics (danhowellsjeans)



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hand Jobs, M/M, POV First Person, it became actual nsfw, sometimes it changes pov cause i write these randomly, vague nsfw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-09-18
Packaged: 2020-05-29 16:03:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19403713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danhowellsjeans/pseuds/danhowellsjeans, https://archiveofourown.org/users/danhowellsjeans/pseuds/gaymerfics
Summary: a series of short, first person stories, written like diary entries. published as written, not in chronological order.





	1. why i love

in the beginning, i'd have nightmares that you'd died in the explosion.

i'd wake up, shaking, and you'd be there, asleep beside me. i wouldn't wake you. of course not, you needed your sleep. just seeing you there was good enough for me.

the nightmares became less frequent. we'd kiss goodnight, and i'd feel the little butterflies in my stomach going crazy. i never got tired of the sweet taste of your lips, or the soft sound of your voice telling me you loved me right before we slept. 

sometimes, small children would walk up to me, fear in their eyes. they'd ask, "why do you love him? mommy says he hurts people." 

i'd say back, "he's just doing his best. he tries so hard every day, and he gives his all to everything." the children, seemingly satisfied, would run back to their parents.

i love you because of the things i'd say to the children, but also for so much more.

i love the sound of your laugh. it warms my heart to hear you happy.

your voice comforts me whenever i hear it. it's like my favorite song.

you're so confident. you stand in front of crowds, beautifully explaining your plans for the future...and i fall in love even more every time.

you're my leader, my love, my everything.


	2. the shot

when the shot rang out, i thought, for a second, that it missed. that we'd just run away, hide in safety for a bit before it calmed down.

but then you fell, and i was in shock. i didn't even realize it, but i was screaming, running to you. there were tears in my eyes-though those would be the last ones for quite some time.

i held you in my arms, sobbing, begging for you to not leave me, i love you, i love you, i love you...

it was too soon. god, i didn't even get to say goodbye. i wanted it to be slow, expected, so i could kiss you goodbye and be prepared. 

not this. not this. i did not want this. your lifeless form in my arms, the crowd laughing and jeering as i sob.

i didn't want this.


	3. joining you again

when he came up to me on the street, i knew what it was for. i saw the glint of the gun before he even pulled it out.

i felt the relief. he smirked, as if it was unexpected, as if i'd run away. he greeted me, a sadistic chuckle leaving him.

as if i'd run. i'd been waiting for this. he held the gun up, asking me, "any last words?"

i only said one thing.

"please."


	4. royal treatment (nsfw)

a soft giggle escaped my lips as i stood over him. he looked so desperate down there on the floor, panting and sweating.

with one heeled shoe, i gently shifted my weight to press to his crotch, and he let out a strangled noise, face somehow getting even more red. 

a choked plea left his mouth, and i giggled once again. 

"you wish for your prince to treat you? what's the magic words, my adorable little leader?" 

the title rolled off my tongue with a teasing lilt, reminding him that him, a man with such power, was under my foot-metaphorically and literally.

his form slightly shaking, he begged with a fervor. the sound of his voice, absolutely wrecked, sent pleasant tingles down my spine.

holding up one finger, i gave him a soft smile.

"as you wish, my love."


	5. in the dark (nsfw)

soft sighs and whimpers echoed around the dark room, and vaguely, in the back of his mind, patryk wondered if anyone could hear them.  
  
his next thought, however, was that he absolutely did not care. anyone who had the balls to ask about what the red leader and his husband got up to behind closed doors would be out in a second, and they all knew that.  
  
besides, he had better things to think about right now. he leaned over, pressing a soft kiss to his husband's neck, eliciting another whine from him.  
  
"god, i love you," patryk murmured, running his hands across tord's body and placing kisses wherever he could reach. the latter's eyes fluttered open, meeting patryk's own with a loving gaze.  
  
comfortable silence once again filled the room as the two moved against each other. it wasn't often they had time for something this slow, but _god,_ did patryk love it. he loved the passion, the heat, _tord..._  
  
below him, the man in question's whimpers grew a bit in volume, and patryk chuckled. "you close, my beautiful leader?" tord nodded frantically, his hands scrabbling for purchase at patryk's back. leaning forward, his voice dripping with lust, patryk spoke once more.  
  
"then cum for me, pretty boy. make a mess of yourself just for me." tord cried out at the words, doing just as he was told. he shivered as he came down from his high, noticing a glazed look in his husband's eyes that showed he hadn't been far behind.  
  
the two laid next to each other, reveling in the small amount of calm they had, whispering endearments to each other. no matter what happened, they knew they'd have each other.


	6. a game of catch (nsfw)

an intense expression filled his gaze, and patryk could see the slight widening of tord's eyes, the blush creeping up his neck as he swallowed thickly.

"excited, darling?" patryk chuckled, taking another few steps forward to fully back him against the wall. "you don't even know what i'm going to do to you yet." 

tord whimpered, lifting his head slightly to bare his neck in submission. "anything you do will be so good, soldier..." his voice was breathy, and the nickname made patryk flush a bit.

leaning forward, he kissed down his husband's neck, leaving marks where nobody else could see. a wicked idea made its way into his mind, and he had to stifle a giggle.

he pushed himself forward so he was directly pressed against tord, grinding his hips forward to pull sweet noises from him. he almost had the thought to throw away his idea entirely, to bend him over and take him _hard_ right there.

but he didn't. when tord was putty in his hands, nothing but a whimpering mess...he stepped back, earning a confused and frustrated whine. giggling a bit, he winked.

"you'll have to catch me if you want more, dearest."


	7. in control (nsfw)

staring at him up on the podium, i felt a chill go through me.  
  
sure, as his second-in-command and husband, i had almost the same level of power as him. but... _god,_ seeing him up there, all but radiating authority and pride...  
  
i rubbed my cheeks in a futile attempt to still the blush creeping up my neck, though it was hard to stay composed with how tord was moving. he glanced over at me, and i quickly stood up straighter, hoping my blush wasn't too obvious.  
  
the chuckle i saw proved otherwise, but he turned back to continue speaking to the crowd anyway. the conference was almost over, and when he stepped down from the podium, he made a beeline for me.  
  
as soon as we were alone, i didn't even give him a chance to speak before i was desperately kissing him. he let out a surprised noise, though he easily sunk into the kiss.  
  
he nipped at my bottom lip, and i whined, glad we were in a hidden area as i shifted to grind against his leg.  
  
"you like seeing me up there? you like seeing me in control of everything?" he purred, and i whined out an affirmation. _god,_ yes. i could barely even think enough to form words.  
  
he grinned, kissing down my neck and chuckling lightly as i shuddered in response. i was caught by surprise as he fluttered his fingers over my pants button, undoing it with a practiced ease and sliding his hand into my boxers.  
  
" _ah-!_ fuck, _tord..."_ i groaned, my hips needily following wherever his hand went. after a moment of teasing touches, he gripped me fully, grinning and giving me a look that made me shiver.  
  
my head fell forward onto his shoulder as he jerked me off, whispering dirty and sweet words alike in a filthy concoction that made my head spin.  
  
with the hand that wasn't currently down my pants, tord reached around to support me. he must have noticed my legs were shaking. my husband, sweet as always in the most unconventional of ways.  
  
before i knew it, i felt swirling warmth pool in my stomach, and i barely choked a word of warning out before i was making a mess of tord's uniform. i opened my mouth to weakly apologize, but he shushed me, pressing kisses to the sides of my mouth as he zipped me back up.  
  
"shouldn't i...don't you need-?" he shook his head, a slightly embarrassed blush dusting his cheeks. i knew what that meant without even glancing down to check. i giggled. it _had_ been a bit. i didn't blame him, but that didn't mean i wouldn't tease him for making a mess of his pants like a teenager.  
  
after we situated ourselves and tord's jacket was securely around his waist, we made our way back to our room, giggling to each other the whole time.


	8. thank you for coming back

when i opened the door to see him, my heart skipped a beat.

a light blush dusted my cheeks, and i stared at him in silence and awe for a moment before i managed to speak.

"...tord?" he nodded, and i felt giddy. it'd been so long since i'd last seen him, and...god, i'd missed him.

stepping forward, i pulled him into a hug, burying my face in his soft hair and relishing in his warmth. i missed him so much. i missed his smell, the warmth of his hold, even that ratty old red hoodie.

god, i wanted to kiss him. i didn't, of course. i wasn't going to do anything rash. i mean, i wasn't stupid. there was _something_ there between us, but...i wasn't going to push it.

i simply tightened my hold on tord and enjoyed what i had for the moment. if we were destined to be something more? well...we'd get there.


	9. silent anguish

i held him in my arms.

the crowd had long dispersed. nobody but him and myself were left, with a few of our friends distantly waiting for me.

me, not him. because he wasn't going anywhere. he couldn't. i laughed bitterly at the thought, my heart aching.

i had long since stopped crying, my throat hoarse from my anguish. i didn't know if i'd ever want to speak again, though i knew there was much i'd have to deal with now that he was gone.

what would happen to everything we'd worked for? would it fall apart? all of the bloodshed, all the pain and struggle...was it all for nothing?

no. god, no. i couldn't tarnish everything he'd achieved. he did so much, he was so strong...he had everything material, and i...i gave him everything else. a shoulder to lean on, support...love. unending, undying love.

i loved him while he was in front of me, smiling, and i loved him still while he laid in my arms, cold and unmoving.

his blood was on my shirt, nearly dried by now. i'd been here too long, i knew, but...i couldn't just leave him here. i had to give him one last thing-a proper ending for such a perfect man.

i'd bury him in our backyard, and i'd live on. it's what he'd want.


	10. patching you up

"you _idiot,"_ i whispered as i helped him pull his jacket off. "why'd you do that?"

he laughed weakly. "are you surprised?" i sighed, shaking my head. he'd always been the reckless type.

once his jacket and shirt were off, i examined the wound. just a slash from a knife, but...deeper than i'd like to see. i blinked back my tears, focusing on treating it.

his winces made me feel even worse, and by the time i was finished, i could barely look at him. obviously worried, he reached up to cup my cheek in his palm. the comforting touch made me choke out a sob, and i very carefully pulled him into a hug.

he rubbed my back as i cried into his shoulder, and i held onto him like a lifeline. "please...please don't scare me like that..." i breathed, and he hummed an affirmation.

"i love you, dearest. i'm not going anywhere," he said in response, his voice low and soothing. he ran fingers through my hair for a moment before motioning for me to look up at him.

when i did, he kissed my cheeks, and it took me a moment to register that he was kissing away my tears. i leaned into it, letting myself cry for a bit before drowsiness started catching up to me.

i laid my head down on his lap, and, while he pet my hair and whispered his love, i drifted off.


	11. a conversation

hello, my dear. i got you flowers today! no, no, you don't have to thank me. it was no big deal.  
  
it was a long day today. lots of paperwork, you know? i hope your day went well.  
  
it's raining now, and i left my umbrella at home. oh, well! silly me. guess i'll get a little wet.  
  
i should probably go inside before i get sick, but...i'd like to spend a bit more time with you. you understand, right?  
  
oh, alright...i'll go in. tomorrow, i'm bringing an umbrella, though.   
  
...i miss you, tord.


	12. a necessary action

"i won't be one of you, you know."   
  
i sighed, rolling my eyes. that's what they'd all say. i tightened my grip on the pistol i held to the forehead of the hostage in front of me.   
  
i couldn't always be the nice guy, after all. a blank stare on my face, i asked once more,  
  
"will you submit to the red army?"  
  
_or will you die like a dog?_  
  
the bitter laugh i got in response gave me the only response i needed. i stepped slightly back, to avoid as much blood as i could.  
  
when i walked out, shaking my firing hand, i was greeted by the bored looks of my fellow soldiers.  
  
"back to work, everyone. we no longer have a prisoner."


	13. no mercy

i looked down at the pair, holding each other and begging for me to have mercy.  
  
_ha_ , mercy. there was no mercy for those that wouldn't submit. i crossed my arms, a soft chuckle escaping my mouth as they whimpered in fear. i wasn't even holding a weapon! pathetic.  
  
though, they were going to die anyways. i could have a bit of fun. unclipping a large knife from my belt, i motioned for the two to seperate. they did, but only after a few more murmurs to each other.  
  
i snorted, looking between the two of them to take my pick. the one on the left was shaking more, and his crying was annoying.   
  
i shifted down, pressing the knife to his neck and drawing a bit of blood. his eyes widened and his crying increased, but he was no longer begging.  
  
a shame. it's always more fun when they think they have a chance still.   
  
i cut his throat. his partner whimpered from the other side of me, but before i could do anything, i heard the doorknob twisting. a smile grew on my face.  
  
"you should have given in while you could, you pitiful thing. it's too late for you now." the door opened, and i saw their eyes widen once again, a delicious fear filling them. "that's right... _he's here."_  



	14. breakdown

"are you gonna kill us? is the red leader's _whore_ gonna shoot us down?"

i curled my lip in disgust, trying to keep my cool. the jeers continued, however, and as my hands began to shake, i snarled.

i didn't really notice them go silent as i pulled the rifle strapped to my back, _screaming_ for them to just _shut up!_

i was covered in blood before i knew it, and a laugh bubbled from my throat. that'll teach them. that'll teach everyone.

my laughter got louder, and i could feel tears running down my face as i kicked at the bodies in front of me.

adrenaline stirred me to flip my rifle, to bash their faces in with the butt of it. my hysterical laughter continued, but i didn't notice until exhaustion overtook the power high. i nearly fell to my knees as i strapped the bloody rifle back onto my back.

it was time to go home.


End file.
